PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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