Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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