You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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