why didn't you poke me back
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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