Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
