I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
