If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
