to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
