Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
