This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
