you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
