the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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