This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think people are normalizing furries
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