There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you had me at cake vodka
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
