her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
