she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize