There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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