so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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