I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
