shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
