I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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