People in love make me want to vomit
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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