i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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