She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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