Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
