I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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