So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Everyone says I win the strip club
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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