Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
