im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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