i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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