therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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