We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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