someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
