I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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