No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
