you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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