Only a mothe r could love this liver
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
