He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
