Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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