i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
