just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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