The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
