id be glad to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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