Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
