WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize