You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
