i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
