i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
