She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
