this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
