i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize