I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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