Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
