I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
