noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
