my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
