Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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