i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
