I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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