hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
