I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
