I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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