marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
