Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
