Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
