1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
