id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Vodka?
Forever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
