Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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